Henry Wadsworth Longfollow once said “Great is the art of the beginning, but greater is the art of ending.” It’s a thought provoking statement and is the opening quote in a book I’ve been reading called “Necessary Endings” by Dr. Henry Cloud. I am working through some “endings” in my life right now, and as such I am finding it to be a deeply profound book that speaks to me on a number of levels. It may or may not have the same effect on you, but I recommend you give it a read through at some point in your life. Due to the simple cycles of life, there will be some point at which you need to end a relationship or walk away from a job or [insert any number of things that apply] and start out on a new course, a new direction. When those difficult times come, the principles and applications presented by Dr. Cloud will certaintly help you as you navigate those decisions.
One of the first concepts put forth in the book is that even though “endings” are sometimes difficult and painful, that is not an excuse to just not have them. Just becuase it might mean an awkward conversation or just becuase it entails sacrifices you don’t want to make does not mean that it is okay to just avoid them. Dr. Cloud uses an example of getting a nagging tooth pulled. The tooth is causing you a lot of discomfort, but just becuase you don’t want to experience the pain of having it pulled by the dentist doesn’t mean that it is the right decision to just deal with that discomfort for the rest of your life. Such a decision would just be stupid. Yeah, it might hurt to have the tooth pulled, but once it’s done, it’s done, you don’t have to worry about a constantly nagging tooth anymore. While the example might be trivial, the principle rings true; just becuase an ending is painful, does not mean it is okay to avoid it. Dr. Cloud puts it this way, “There is a big difference between hurt and harm. We all hurt sometimes in facing hard truths , but it makes us grow. It can be a source of huge growth. That is not harmful. Harm is when you damage someone. Facing reality is usually not a damaging expereince, even though it can hurt a little.”
For reasons I won’t extrapolate here, this simple concept really spoke to me. I cannot count how many times I have let the perceived pain of “ending” something, whether it be a relationship, a bad habit, or a rotten attitude, has hindered me from following through with that “ending”, even though in the long run it would have been extremely beneficial. As I sat in my big leather chair and let this simple concept seep into my heart and wander through the corridors of my past, I suddenly found myself thinking of Jesus and the cross. I thought out loud, “Wow, dying on the cross was an incredible “ending” for Jesus, one that was more difficult then I could ever imagine.” I began to remember how he had warned of his impending death to his closest friends in Matthew 26. I mean, take a moment and play that conversation through your mind.
Jesus: Hey guys, I’m going to die soon. And not only am I going to die, but I’m going to die in the most shamful of ways. I’m going to be publicy mocked, brutally beaten, and then hung up on a cross on the side of the road like thousands of other criminals.
Disciples: [Silence]
Jesus: But don’t worry guys, I will rise from the dead after three days and in the process make a way of salvation for the whole entire world.
Disciples: [More silence] Say that first part again; you’re going to die?
I don’t know about you, but it would take a significant amount of will power for me to be able to sit down and have that kind of conversation with anyone, let alone with my closest friends. I mean, I hated telling my mom when I got a bad grade at school and I recognize that my introverted personality has a lot to do with that, but still. You have to recognize that was one huge conversation to have. I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase, “I dropped the bomb on [insert person] today.” Well, this conversation is the new standard for “dropped the bomb”. There isn’t anyone who has ever disclosed such a massive dose of heart-wrenching news on another human being in the history of the world. Here is Jesus, the man who heals leprosy, who tells the wind and the waves what to do, and who claims to be the Son Of God, telling his closest friends that he is going to allow himself to be murdered.
Fast forwarding a little bit and switching perspectives, can you imagine how John must have felt as he sat at the foot of the cross, doing is best to console Mary, watching his closest friend slip away under the grip of death. This is the guy who he left his job for, his family for, his future for. He left everything he knew for this man named Jesus. This was the guy who was supposed to bring freedom to your nation. And here that man is, stripped naked, beaten beyond recognition, hanging on a cross and dying the death of a common criminal. I can only imagine John sitting there and whispering through the tears, “Why? Why is this happening right now? This is not the ending I had envisioned.”
Switching back to Jesus, now hanging on the cross with the sins of the world resting on his shoulders, he looks up to heaven and utters that ridiculous phrase, “Father, forgive them. They don’t know what they’re doing.” The ending is painful and dark, but in the midst of that Jesus feels it necessary to pronounce forgiveness over his executioners. And remember, he is willingly “ending” his life in this manner. He willingly walked this road, a road that has caused him to sweat drops of blood under the stress, to be beaten in such a way that chunks of flesh are violently ripped from his body, and to endure the full wrath of a holy God. This is the ending that he has chosen. As I think on these things, I cannot help but sit and weep. It moves me. I ask, “Why Jesus? Why would you willingly choose such an ending?” Of course, I know the answer to that question; I know that this ending was necessary for the salvation of the world. But right now, there is something about this ending that I cannot shake. I cannot so quickly jump to that answer without first taking time to recognize the mammoth implications of this most spectacular of endings. He will rise again in three days, but right now, this ending sucks. He will defeat death, but right now, in the silence following his last breath, this ending is the worst case scenario. The creator of the universe has just died. The one who brings forth life by the mere uttering of words is hanging lifeless on a wooden cross.
It was a painful ending that his friends didn’t initially understand. It was a gruesome ending that I struggle to visualize because of the sheer violence of the whole ordeal. But nonetheless, in spite of physical pain, in spite of confusing of his friends, it was an ending that Jesus willingly made. He knew that these temporary pain points would quickly make way for the biggest rescue operation ever done. He knew that there was no other way to rescue humanity then to walk the dark road of ending his life. His focus was crystal clear and in hindsight it is quite apparent that nothing would stop him, not even the emotional pain experienced by his own mother and his closest friends.
So with all of that said, I ask myself and I ask you an important question; what do you need to end in your life, right now? Is there a relationship that is sapping energy out of you? Is there a bad habit that is stunting your growth? Is there a job that is standing in the way of your God given purpose? Has the whisper of a sinful world enslaved your mind and imprisoned your imagination? Trust me, I’ll be the first to admit that I hate conflict and the idea of a painful ending just makes me want to roll my eyes and go watch a movie or some other mind-numbing activity, but as Dr. Cloud and as our savior, Jesus, have so aptly demonstrated, just because an ending is painful, does not mean that it is not necessary. If Jesus didn’t end his life at the cross, then He never would have risen on the third day and if you don’t let the dentist take out that nagging tooth, its going to nag you for the rest of your life. I encourage you to take some time to do two things today.
First, I encourage you to sit down and really contemplate the ending of Christ. Think about the courage that He had as He went head to head with sin and death. Think about the how He did that so that you might have life and have it more abundantly. Give thanks and take a moment to audibly praise Him for the sacrifice that He so willing endured on your behalf. Second, I encourage you to use his example as fuel and motivation to go and end that “something” in your life that you know so desperately needs to be ended. It might be painful, the conversation might be awkward, it might require a good dose of self-discipline, but it just might make way for the most incredible of beginnings. Or, as Dr. Cloud puts it, “Good cannot begin until bad ends.”
You can buy Dr. Cloud’s excellent book here.
